Masturbating Mayhem!

Continuing on with the party days of my life, this story takes part on another regular night at 447. Along with being the place where the parties were thrown, 447 was also the place of meeting to go out and party. We rounded up in large groups anywhere from ten to twenty girls at one time. On this particular summer evening, I would guess to say that there were about ten of us on the porch waiting for the last person so we could get our groove on at the local pub. Needless to say but I will anyway, we were in college and going out so our outfits might have been a tad scantily clad. That ties into the story as an important detail as you will soon see.

While waiting, I looked over to the other side of the porch and noticed something peering through the wooden bars of the porch as if I was looking at the window of a prison cell. I thought that the neighbors were inside, but just wrote it off as maybe one of them was taking a piss at the side of the house. We continued our wait for a few more minutes, but this figure was not moving from his position. At that point, I got a little weary and told all the girls to get inside until we could check it out. Just to be safe.

Lo came downstairs and asked what we were all doing and I gave her the outline of it. She figured that it was the neighbors as well and decided to go outside and give them hell for taking the longest piss ever. Seconds went by before Lo came bursting through the door screaming!

“There is an old man on our porch whacking off!” she said.

“What????”

When I heard this, I called the neighbors and asked them to go outside and check out what the hell was going on. Brendon (one of the neighbor boys) ran outside to give this guy a good fraternity style beating. The guy was nowhere in sight. He just disappeared. We still had the party itch so we decided to stay in a group and head down to the bar anyway. I was sure that he was scared off so it was safe. Besides, the bar was only 50 yards away.

We got to Slammy’s Bar, our usual hangout spot on a Thursday night. This is where everyone hung out. Not five minutes went by when Lo rushed over to me and said,

“There he is!!! “

The man had followed us to the bar and was watching us through the window and was spanking his monkey, jerkin’ the gerkin, you know, MASTURBATING!!!! Was this for real? Was there really a man that was stalking us and doing his deed as if we were his 25 cent viewing booth at the local titty bar. I ran over to the bouncer and gave him a quick overview of the situation and he ran outside. Again, the guy was gone. How does he do that?

The next couple of days were pretty quiet and normal until Lo came home and said that this man had come into her work. She was really the only one at this point that had gotten a good look at his face. I am not sure that I could have picked him out of a crowd. It was getting serious at that point if this guy was coming to our jobs. I still don’t know why we hadn’t called the police yet, but we didn’t. Lo was much frazzled, but she was heading out for a family vacation that day. It was good for her to get away from the situation. By the time she got back, everything would be normal again.

Another couple of days went by just like usual. The weekend rolled around to a beautiful Saturday. It was a perfect day for a walk. Little Sandy, our other sister Danny, and I decided that we wanted to peruse around the campus and check out the new construction. We walked all around and it was pretty desolate being that it was the weekend. The end of the walk was nearing and the three of us were heading back to 447. We had to cross a large parking lot by the rec center as a short cut back to out house. The lot was empty except for one lonely car.

“I think that old man is looking at us.” Little Sandy stated

Being the bitch that it was, I just walked past him and gave him the stink eye. I just thought he was some random guy looking too hard at a few college girls. It didn’t connect with me at that point for some reason. I was used to dirty old men staring and having to stare them down so they knew it wasn’t ok what they were doing. This particular man was in a ‘90s Buick, you know a very family car. After my stink eye attack, we passed the car. Once we passed, the man turned his car on and drove it so that the driver side door was facing our backs. I turned around to see what the hell was going on and saw it.

“Run!!!!”

I screamed at the girls to run to the house as quickly as possible. It was the only thing that I could think to do at the time. When I turned around to face the car, the man had his car door open to us, his pants pulled down to his ankles, and his hand moving rigorously up and down on his member. I couldn’t believe what was happening. As we started running toward the house, I saw a student walking down the street. I ran up to him and asked him to please wait there to make sure that nothing happened to me. He didn’t seem to speak a word of English and looked very confused. I ran back toward the car so that I could get a license plate, but the man sped off before I could get there. Why didn’t I think about getting the license plate before we ran? What was I thinking? I guess strange, public masturbation will cloud your ability to think fast.

We finally called the cops and gave them a description, although I don’t think it was very detailed. I just remembered the car and the picture of him strangling the snake. The cops told us that description matched a rapist that had been on campus the past few months. The best form of action was for the police to place a 24-hour watch on 447 for the next month.

They never caught the guy and we never saw him since. Looking back on it, I still can’t believe it. However, this is as true a story and I told it as best as I can remember it. Believe it!